3 Things That Will (Probably) Change Your Life.

Stop trying to be happy. The super weird thing about doing stuff that makes us happy is that it actually….doesn’t. Or if it does, it’s pretty f*cking fleeting – as anyone who has demolished a family-sized pizza in one sitting, and then felt fat and disgusting soon after will attest to. You see – the problem with happiness is that it tends to be selfish and all that me-me-me malarkey can actually leave us feeling worse.

Why? Because it lacks meaning.

And MEANING, according to the research, is what we should be looking for if we actually want to be …. happy.

Case in point – A 2014 study that followed a group of teenagers for a year to discover how their brains responded to self-fulfilling (hedonic) acts compared to meaningful (eudaimonic) acts. The results showed that the me-me-me teens (the ones who chose to keep cash for themselves) were more likely to have an increased risk of depression. The ones who chose to donate cash to their families lowered their risk – proving that doing sh*t for other people can protect our brain from dark and scary thoughts.

And being all about Moi! – even if you are happy as a clam – can be as bad for your body as being super stressed out.

In his book ‘Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work & Life’ , Tom Rath talks about how participants in a study led by Barbara Fredrickson that were ‘happy but lacked meaning in their lives’ (defined as pursuing a purpose bigger than self) …exhibited a stress-related gene pattern that is known to activate an inflammatory response.’ And as any idiot who reads scary headlines knows, inflammation is responsible for all sorts of nasties from weight gain to cancer.

That said, if you are going to be happy – at least make sure you are doing it right.

Optimise for happiness. There are a few ways to do this – one of them is remembering that removing a negative from your life garners a better result that adding a positive – summed up nicely by Mr. Money Mustache (financial freedom guru); ‘Happiness Boosts come mainly from reducing Life Suck.’

How does this work exactly? Good question.

Say, for example, you had a crappy old bicycle that barely gets you from a to b. and you buy a better one that works, you would be eliminating a negative. Even though you are still buying something new, your daily life would suck a lot less. But, if you simply upgrade from a perfectly good 2017 Hyundai to a flash-bang 2020 Lexus, after the initial flex your morning commute (and levels of happiness) are going to be much the same.

Optimising for happiness can also mean making choices based on the things that really make a difference to our lives and are proven to make us happier – friends, family, freedom, health, meaningful work and community. Annoyingly, the short-term highs (booze, fast-food, social media, Netflix) often have a direct negative impact on the longer-lasting happiness stuff. So sure, scarfing a couple of donuts in front of four seasons of ‘Love Island’ might feel good right now, but if it’s eventually jeopardizing your health (hello diabetes!) or stopping you finish your book proposal (farewell lifelong ambition!) you probably aren’t going to be very….happy!

And, for those of you who are less keen on all that dull delayed gratification business, here’s a game-changing fast fix.

Happiness Short-Cut. This one is courtesy of Barking Up The Wrong Tree and if you can bear to tear yourself away from your phone when you first wake up, it’s the perfect way to get your day started right.

It’s as simple as ARG! What does this ridiculous abbreviation stand for?

• Anticipation
• Recollection
• Gratitude

These are the golden tickets of happiness. Anticipation – looking forward to something – makes us feel goooood. In fact, our anticipation of an event or a purchase increases our happiness significantly more than the actual event or purchase itself.  Recollection – remembering something after its happened – also cheers us, as we tend to remember things in the rear mirror even more fondly. Gratitude -being grateful for what we currently have – as every good fridge magnet will tell you, is the freaking holy grail of happiness.

So, tomorrow when you open your lids, take a moment to savor the anticipation of that upcoming holiday or imagine how good that first cup of coffee is going to feel coursing through your veins . Next, remember something good (the day you passed that exam, got asked on that date, flicked that total loser) and finally name 3 things you are grateful for (a healthy child, some solid mates and at least 15 minutes till you have to get up).

Then GET UP and GET ON – we are on the cusp of a new decade my friends – which sounds like an excellent excuse to start over.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by somebody who wants you to remember that sometimes you run into people that change your life for the better – those people are called bartenders.