How to Tame the ‘Worry Monster’.

Many of us seem to positively THRIVE on worry. We worry about everything. We worry about our diet, our work deadlines, about how on earth we are going to pay the rent. We worry about getting old, finding a partner, the threat of terrorism, what to wear. We worry about what other people think of us, that we don’t eat enough vegetables, that we might be terrible parents, or alcoholics, or not very good at our jobs. We worry about climate change, about having enough money to buy a house one day and about that weird looking mole we should have got checked out ages ago.

And then we worry about worrying so much. And this, in turn, makes us anxious. Especially at 3am, when we are seriously worried that we will never be able to go back to sleep. Ever. Again.

Yesterday, I read a statistic that blew my mind – 85% of what we worry about NEVER happens.

WTF?! What a completely ridiculous waste of our time.

I mean the stats on this stuff differ, but essentially most of what we worry about never actually happens. Some of it has already happened – so worrying about it literally has no logical benefit (see Surviving the Shame Dungeon for more on this.). A fair chunk of it is not even about stuff within our control (war, weather, what the hell is happening with Brad and Ange). And then there is the stuff we worry about, that does in fact happen. Which a lot of the time, is not nearly as bad as we had worried it would be. It is so f*cking exhausting, I literally need a lie down thinking about it.

So – HOW do we claim back some of this time we are so casually wasting? HOW do we tame the worry monster that lurks beneath? And HOW do we start taking control of this big bag of stress before it starts spilling all over the floor of our lives?

Let it Out: Worry propagates in silence. If you are not up for sharing, then try writing down what you are worried about. Research has shown that the act of jotting down our concerns actually helps empty them from our minds. In one study, students who wrote down their worries before sitting their exam showed a 20% improvement in their marks. Professor Sian Beilock, at the University of Chicago, explained it thus; “People are in this stressful situation and they worry about it and the consequences. These worries are taking up resources that should be dedicated to the task. Putting pen to paper appears to offload these worries.”

Worst Case it Out: Instead of letting your worry just simmer nervously beneath the surface, it can be helpful to look it in the eye and simply ask, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ This is especially great for the small stuff. For example, I hate being late, and so when I find myself running late, stuck in traffic and catching every red light known to man, I ask myself; ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’* I will be late for my appointment, I may have to apologise profusely, I may have to wait longer as a result or reschedule completely. It’s not really that bad – certainly not the end of the world – probably not even worth worrying about, as I can’t make myself go any quicker than I already am. If it is something mightier, like the risk of being sacked or being right about a loved one’s infidelity, you can use the worst case scenario to prepare you for battle. First, examine if your worry is probable (often it is not). Next, consider if you have faced adversity in the past (pretty, bloody likely). Then, remind yourself that you coped before and, yes, it might indeed be a bit of a f*cking nightmare, but you can again.

Eat Your Frogs: As Mark Twain once said “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” Essentially – do the thing that you are dreading with every fibre of your being, first. This can be useful when it comes to worry, as it often exposes it as something grossly exaggerated. You might be worrying about letting a friend down. You are pretty sure she is going to hate you for being such a 4th rate friend. Word will probably get out and pretty soon you will have no friends left, and will die sad and alone. When – in actual fact – you call your mate, you explain, you apologise if necessary, and it’s not even a tiny bit as bad as you thought it would be. She might be a bit annoyed (this soon shall pass), she might not really care at all (we are not as important as we like to believe), or she might even be delighted as she was equally keen to cancel, but was similarly afraid of dying friendless and alone.

Change Your State: When worry starts to creep up behind you, treat it in the same way you would an angry toddler. With distraction. There are lots of ways we can change our physical state to make a shift in our mental one. Exercise is a natural mood enhancer – so endorphin me UP baby and go for a run, lift weights or take a yoga class. Laughter has a similar effect, so call someone who makes you laugh or watch stupid You Tube videos of people falling over. Crank up the tunes and sing along, because listening to music can increase the amount of dopamine (a neurotransmitter that helps control the reward and pleasure centres) in the brain & singing releases Oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. Take a cold shower and benefit from an increase in long-sounding words, like Glutathione and noradrenaline, both which are a good thing. Have Sex. Eat a few rows of dark chocolate. Whatever it takes to get out of your head, and in to your body.

Choose a Level of Acceptance: The billboard for my life would probably be, ‘Keep Your Hopes High, But Your Expectations Low’. Life is not supposed to be one long awesome event, followed by another. Sh*t happens and we should expect this to be the case. So – yes, worry if you must, but remember that it offers little use when consumed in abundance. Dan Harris, author of 10% Happier, explains it best. When discussing the utility of worry, he says we must find the balance between ‘constructive anguish’ and ‘useless rumination that is making you miserable’.

This Get Happier Post is brought to you by someone who no longer worries about the people who talk behind my back – they are behind me for a reason 😉

*Well – obviously – worst case, I could, in my haste, run over a couple of innocent bystanders and die a horrible, mangled death which, as fate would have it, would be on the day I had chosen to wear some really ugly, grey pants…..but….Law of Averages and all that………