Best Life? Bugger That – Try This Instead.

The problem with all this self-help nonsense is that they make it sound so EASY.

But, it’s not.

If it was, we would all be meditating on the daily, have gratitude journals positively bursting with appreciation, be raring to work out and spending our days being simultaneously mindful and productive.

But, not all of us are.

So, this post is for those people who have tried, who can barely be bothered or just want some bite-sized advice to start feeling like less of a loser. (This post is even more comforting).

Meditating – ‘Is it working yet?’ I can’t tell you to amount of times I have tried to start a meditation ‘practice’*. I did Deepak Chopra’s 21 Day’s of Abundance (for 4 days), I tried a whole bunch on the Calm app, I flirted with TM (Hugh Jackman is a fan) and then threw in the towel. Recently, I have been attempting to retrieve said towel, because nearly all the clever people I admire SWEAR by it. Plus, if you are a pretty reactive person, the idea of being able to observe your thoughts and feelings without being troubled by them sounds rather glorious. Standard advice for beginners is ten minutes.

Bugger that! Try this instead: Take ONE Breath a Day. Despite taking an average of 20,000 of the suckers every day, the reflex action that is keeping us alive goes largely goes unnoticed. Chade-Meng “Meng” Tan (google employee #107, author and noble peace prize nominee no less) teaches his students to start by committing to ONE mindful breath a day. ‘Just one. Breathe in and out mindfully, and your commitment for the day is fulfilled.’ Reason being? A commitment THAT easy is hard to skip and chances are, once you start, your daily ‘practice’ will gain momentum. You can do it before you open your eyes in the morning. Or, while you are waiting for the kettle to boil or when you first sit down at your desk. The added bonus, according to our mate Meng, is that ‘having the intention to meditate is in itself a meditation’ – something to do with the benefits of self-directed kindness. Namaste, my friend.

Journaling – ‘What am I meant to write about anyway?’ I understand that for some people, the idea of writing about your feelings with a pen, in a book (!) might seem like an alien concept. But, everybody’s doing it! Why? Because getting stuff out of your head and on to a page has a whole host of benefits from increasing creativity to boosting immune function. You can barely enter a book shop these days without tripping over some journal encouraging you to document your joys, tick off your daily wins or set your soul free.

Bugger that! Try this instead: One line, garbled nonsense or make it fun. I have a trifecta of alternatives for you on this one. If you want to just keep it simple grab a ‘One Line a Day’ diary that is less journal and more time capsule – especially useful for those of us with rubbish memories. If you’re keen to potentially change your life (yes, really!) you can try Julia Cameron’s ‘Morning Pages’ which is just a scribbled three-page dump that acts as either free therapy or a secret doorway to the creative kingdom. And, if kingdoms and quests are your thing, then The Hero’s Journal ‘combines the best in goal setting science with the power of the oldest form of known communication: story’ – perfect for reluctant males.

Money – ‘Help Me, I’m Poor!’ – Save money, they say. It’s easy, they say. Sure, it might be for some of you high earning, fiscally responsible people who don’t care that it’s on SALE and there is only ONE left in my SIZE!! But, for regular folk whose monthly cycle veers between financial feast or impoverished famine, savings tend to be the first thing to fall off. I have written about budgets and savings for beginners before but I appreciate that deducting 20% of your salary to start saving for your future might bring some of you out in hives.

Bugger that! Try this instead: Choose the savings hack that suits you best. There are ALL sorts of these on the internet and even a few I made up myself. If you still have a job and want to show off you can save $10,000 pretty easily by doing this. If you want to take a more roulette approach to stashing some extra cash you can try the leftovers hack. And, if you just want to start somewhere then the modest week-by-week challenge might be your jam. Just please – for the love of not staying poor forever – skip those fast! cash! loans! and the seductive charms of After Pay (because deep down you know you are better than that.)

Working Out – ‘My muscles have no memory!’– The general consensus is that most of us are going to emerge post-covid as either a chunk, a hunk or a drunk. For those less inclined to get sweaty, a global pandemic might have been just the excuse you have been waiting for – to do absolutely NOTHING. And, as someone who has pinballed between varying degrees of fitness, I know starting (or starting again) is HARD. Gym classes, on the whole, tend to be bitchy – an HOUR is a long time and might just be too much of a commitment from the get-go.

Bugger that! Try this instead: 5 Minutes. The same principle as with the other stuff – start small and when you start to hate it less, do a little more. There are loads of examples online. As a general rule, I’d say avoid the ones that include the word ‘Burpees’ or ‘Tracey Anderson’ to start with – whilst both are highly effective they might make you hate me/them/yourself (or, all of the above). Then again it is only 5 minutes, so dig in – because, YOU. CAN. DO. THIS. I am biased (because Rawson/’Kirky’ is my trainer here in Sydney) but I’d suggest starting with the 5-minute AMRAP on here (3rd one down on the left). It stands for ‘as many rounds as possible’ so just start with the beginner recommendation (2 rounds) and build up from there. Added bonus? He’s not horrid to look at.

By my estimation, if you implement ALL of the above (you little over-achiever you!) you can start making progress in as little as 12 minutes a day.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone that wants to remind you that Sunday carbs don’t count. Those are the Lords carbs and he wants you to be happy.

* Using phrases like ‘Meditation practice’ and ‘Increasing the size of my platform’ makes me feel like a giant wanker**. My apologies if anyone else is similarly offended.

**Just to be clear I have ZERO problems with actual wanking. All forms of self-directed kindness are warmly encouraged!