Can You REALLY Change? The Problem With New Year’s Resolutions.

If you’re anything like me, your new year’s narrative is probably already in full swing.

Yup, 2021. We are REALLY doing this.

We are going to stop drinking (well, at least during the week). We are going to lose 10 pounds (and fit back into those jeans that have been winking at us for the last 4 years). We are going to finally learn how to meditate, get on top of our finances, eat more damn vegetables, stop talking about starting that thing and, for real this time, actually start it.

At least in theory.

And, this my friend is what fascinates me. What is the tipping point between theory and action? Why do we have the SAME stupid conversations with ourselves every year? And, WHY if we want all that stuff so badly, have we not ALREADY done it?

To help shine some light on this sticky conundrum I suggest we turn to the wisdom of Derek Sivers (writer, entrepreneur and student of life – which essentially translates that he made enough money early on to give this stuff considerable thought). I’m reading his collection of essays at the moment and their genius lies in their simplicity.

The one that particularly speaks to all our New Year, New Me delusions is:

Actions, Not Words, Reveal Our Real Values.

Ouch!

Derek credits an old coach for getting him to understand the truth of this one. When he told him he really wanted to start a new company, the coach said, “No, you don’t” and reminded him that simply saying it doesn’t make it true.

It’s our actions, not our words, that reveal our real values.

And, you know what? If we are really honest, it’s probably true.

Sure, I might say I want washboard abs. But, in truth, I’m not willing to give up the requisite fun, food and extra margs required to do so.

Sure, I might say I want to start a meditation practice. But, if I am really honest, deep down I think it sounds a bit twatish (instead I’ve settled for 5 minutes of deep breathing on the mornings that I remember).

Sure, I might say I want to write a novel. But, if I am being blatantly transparent, I think I prefer the idea of it than the actual slave-like dedication that might take years and produce the unpublished square root of fu*k all.

Not convinced? Derek says there are two smart reactions to this rather stinging truth – either, ‘Stop, lying to yourself, and admit your real priorities’ OR ‘Start doing what you say you want to do, and see if it’s really true.’

He’s not saying you are a bad person. Or a lazy, unmotivated idiot that should be ashamed of yourself. Just that maybe you aren’t quite as committed to the cause as you think you are. And that’s Ok.

But, what if you really DO want to learn a new language, take up Jiu Jitsu, stop squeezing into clothes you hate or finally find a fully-functioning adult to share your life with?

The good news is that change IS possible – this article on the Four Laws of Behaviour Change (from this time last year) would be a good place to start and this one (from the year before that) will likely make you feel a lot more positive about the month ahead and the changes you might choose to usher in.

Happy New Year, my friend!

May the force (the patience, the sense of humour and lady luck) shine brightly on you for the twelve months ahead.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who may look like she is having deep thoughts, but who 99% of the time is thinking about what she is going to eat later.