Imposter Syndrome – Who Do You Think You’re Fooling?

Have you ever felt that ANY minute now they are bound to work it out?

That you aren’t really worthy or deserving. It must be some weird quirk of fate, dumb luck or a mistake on their part. That despite some vague signs of competence, it’s clear you will soon be discovered for the blatant fraud you obviously are.

Same.

I’ve tried so many different things in my life that the gentle hum of ‘imposter syndrome’ has been a regular soundtrack of my life. And, whilst I have learnt you might not be able to get rid of your imposter completely, you can trick ‘him’ into showing up less.

Let’s explore how……

Have empathy for your imposter: Remember – there is nothing wrong with feelings of self-doubt. It’s normal to feel unsure when you are doing something new. David Dunning, a professor who researches misbelief and self-doubt, says “Internally, we all feel doubts, apprehensions, ambivalence and insecurities.” The problem is we don’t typically reveal those doubts to other people – and they don’t typically reveal theirs to us. So, we start to assume we must be the only one suffering, when in fact we are in good company. Piles of celebrities, from Tom Hanks to Tina Fey, have admitted to having fraudulent fears and I have no doubt if you asked your own circle of friends, you’d hear similar stories of self-doubt. One side effect of the pandemic is all this working-from-home business has meant we have had less people around us to exchange fears and anxieties.

Re-label it: Next time you are heading to a scary interview or are about to stand up in front of a bunch of people (who are for sure going to spot how completely unqualified you are) tell yourself you aren’t nervous – you’re excited. Farrah Storr, the author of ‘The Discomfort Zone’, explains how changing your name for it can make such a big difference: ‘Studies show that by relabeling stressful situations as ‘challenging’ as opposed to ‘terrifying’ dampens down the hormones that activate the part of your brain responsible for fear. What’s more, your body prepares for the challenge by dilating your blood vessels and lungs, which means you’re getting more oxygen into your lungs. The result: you can make sharper and quicker decisions.”

Upgrade the Chatter: A common side-effect of imposter syndrome is self-sabotage. Awesome! So, now not only are you spending your day riddled in self-doubt, you are now actively finding ways to ensure that you stuff up (presumably so you can then say – ‘I told you so!’ – to yourself!) One way we do this is with the incessant negative self-talk (‘there is no way you are going to pull this off’ ‘they clearly made a mistake giving you the promotion’ ‘I think it would just be best if they discover what a dumb idiot I am now and be done with it.’) Most of us are pretty well-practised at mentally beating ourselves up, but by beginning to NOTICE and RECOGNISE the chat that is not helping, we can start trying to CHANGE it. And don’t worry – you don’t need to go around spouting positive affirmations. Start with baby steps (instead of ‘I can’t do this’ remind yourself ‘I’m still learning’, instead of ‘I have failed’ think ‘I can improve’). This article digs deeper into this and might be useful for those who treat themselves with extra disdain.

Prepare your body for battle: Sometimes the best way to fool yourself is from the OUTSIDE in. There seems to be a fair whack of evidence that body language – yup, head up, shoulders back, look ’em in the eye’ – does a lot more than just making you look more confident that you might feel. A study by researchers from Columbia and Harvard Universities showed that powerful body language can actually affect our decision-making, subconsciously. Powerful, expansive poses not only make us feel more powerful and in control, but they can also alter our hormone levels – decreasing cortisol (the stress hormone) and increasing testosterone (confidence booster). Amy Cuddy did a famous TED Talk all about it you can watch here.

Invite ‘him’ in for tea: This is an idea I nicked from an article Tara Brach wrote about Buddha and the demon Mara (that also features in her book “Radical Acceptance”). Mara (‘the evil one’) is basically always bothering Buddha but instead of ignoring him or driving him away, Buddha instead acknowledges his presence and invites him in for tea. And, essentially this is how we should treat all the weird, scary, unpredictable and unwelcome stuff that will invariably come our way – invite it in for tea. By not shying away from the yukky stuff, we learn that most of our fears won’t kill us. And by acknowledging our imposter and facing our fears of inadequacy head-on, we will eventually become better equipped to call BS when those familiar doubt fairies come calling.

The only slight issue with this scenario is that tea is (obviously) the gateway drug to biscuits.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who is kinda sick of following her dreams. I’m just going to ask where they are going and try and hook up with them later.