The 2017 Festive Survival Guide (Part 1) – Playing Nice With Your Family.

Christmas divides the world into two types of people. One can be found skipping into the festive season, a joyous ball of tinsel and wrapping, wearing their ‘ironic’ Christmas jumper with glee, humming ‘All I want for Christmas is You!’ The other can be found grumpily buying shit presents, for relatives they are dreading seeing and not so much in the holiday spirit, as knee deep in a bottle of spirits, wishing bah humbug to the rest of us. For some of us, it’s ‘the most wonderful time of the year,’ when we are in full Bing Crosby and mince pie mode. But for others, ’tis the season to be stressful and so this Festive Survival Guide is for you. Every. Last. Grumpy. One. Of. You.

First Stop Families (and other people we can’t pretend don’t exist).

Few people can push our buttons better than the ones we call family. Even the most evolved and mature of us can regress to our petulant nine-year-old self with a subtle put down or sharp rebuke from the ones we ‘love’. The very act of Christmas pushes us all back together, under the shiny wrapper of expectation, often into a confined space, stuffs us full of sugar and booze, and slowly unpicks the plaster we have carefully curated to cover old wounds. When you think about it like that, it’s a wonder we aren’t all rocking in the corner and throwing money at our therapist come Boxing Day.

The good news is you can make life a little easier by abiding by the following Thin. Rich. Happy. rules:

1. Make like the Angel Gabriel and Rise Above.

Most of it will be rather predictable. Uncle Johnny will get drunk and start telling inappropriate jokes. Aunty Flo will ask you again why you haven’t had any children, or aren’t married, or haven’t got a proper job yet. Your mother might start ‘constructively criticising’ the way you make bread sauce and your brother’s precociously spoilt child will probably smear a melted crème egg across the back of your new coat. It’s not going to be easy, but despite wanting to correct, explode, disagree or quietly strangle any of said relatives you need to Rise Above. Understanding that you cannot control what happens to you in life – you can only control how you react to it – is, seriously, the holy grail of happiness.  So, whilst sadly you have no control over the actions of your role-playing relatives, you can at least control your own reactions. So, put yourself firmly in cruise control and smile, nod and slyly deflect any unwelcome questions. Breathe deeply and drink slowly because you know what they say – People can only drive you crazy if you are dumb enough to give them the keys.

   2. Establish a Time Frame & Delegate Specifically.

If you are hosting, set expectations ahead of time – ‘Lunch is at 1pm and we will sadly all have to kick you out by 6pm as we have to bath the kids/go to church/drop in on friends’ etc. The same works if you are going to theirs – ‘Just a heads up, nothing personal, but we will have to head off by 7pm to miss the traffic, stop in on Father John, escape the lot of you….’ You get the idea. Be polite. Be Firm. And remember, even though in present company you may not feel like it, you are a grown up and free essentially to do as you please. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t be a martyr and try and do everything yourself. Delegate. Delegate. Delegate. The key here is being clear and specific. ‘Roger, can I kindly put you in charge of the bar and recycling duties?’ ‘Susie, would you mind helping me peel these potatoes?’ ‘Gramps, can I entrust you to seeing all the kid’s hands are washed and they are sat down at the table.’ If you are feeling flash, you can outsource almost everything – from the wrapping to the catering, leaving you time to positively relish in festive cheer. For Real.

  3. Skip ‘Christmas’ Every Now & Again.

You don’t have to be a slave to tradition and the world will not end if you decide to do something different next year. Book a few days in a hotel and let someone else deck the halls, feed the troops and clean up the mess for a change. Or celebrate one year with your chosen ‘family’ – the friends you have picked up along the way that will probably be equally happy to duck out for one season. Or why not skip the whole tinsel covered nonsense and go climb a mountain in Nepal or lie on a beach in Thailand or better still, volunteer to feed the homeless at a shelter. Because Christmas, essentially, shouldn’t really be about you at all.

As Dr. Seuss, a man infinitely wiser than I, reminds us:

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps….means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

This Get Happier post is brought to you by someone who is highly suspicious of people who don’t embrace the festive season. Silly hats and all.