Think about it. On an actual daily basis, most of us are not doing all that BIG stressful stuff like moving house, going through a divorce or suffering a bereavement. We are much more likely just to be doing our best to make it through the day – without (hopefully) anything too traumatic happening between the time we stare at our phones first thing in the morning and the time we have a final scroll before bedtime.
As much as we may be living our lives according to the Big Picture, it is the Small Stuff that tends to come between us, our smart phones and a zen like serenity. It is the Small Stuff that kills our chill. Those tiny, daily, grrrr -type irritations, that some clever folk at Mind International have labelled micro-stresses. According to their poll, Brits spend the equivalent of 27 days a year worrying about ‘micro-stresses’ – yup – that’s just under two hours a day, every day feeling tense. It’s the small stuff like losing your keys, missing a train, forgetting your gym card, running late for a meeting or your car breaking down. Not forgetting the JOY that is passwords – one of my least favourite parts of this thing we call life.
Don’t even get me started on Passwords -I could be here all day describing how those stupid letter, number, symbol, f*cking security essentials, waste CHUNKS of my life that I will never get back. Reset my password? No thanks, mate. How about you just remind me what my regular, bloody password was. Please choose another Password – this one is too similar to your previous password. Well, of course it is – how else am I meant to remember it? I found out yesterday, after 17 minutes of simmering frustration that my Spotify username is something like 1498524E – Perfect. Very Catchy. I look forward to committing that one to memory, in case I ever want to – you know – listen to music.
Anyway – I digress.
Point is, in the same way that I truly believe that it is the little things in life that matter, (every kind word, every good choice, every swallowed pride – see ‘The Total Sum of Us’ post for details), it is equally these micro annoyances that can kill our buzz. If we can try and find a way to manage, or at least reduce the Stuff that makes us go, GrrF*ck!*!!!* on a daily basis, surely we will be on our way to leading happier, cortisol-lowered lives.
So I am making a list. Of the stuff that pisses me off. Because some of these irritations can be dealt with rather simply.
For example – for the last year, for some inexplicable reason, at home, I have been sharing a phone charger with my husband. Can you actually imagine how divorce-temptingly annoying this is? On any given evening, he may have his phone plugged in. Even if he is currently maxing out at 100%. So, when he falls asleep, I lean over (it’s plugged in on his side – double grrr**!) and plug my phone in. Morning rolls back around and his phone is back charging away happily on his side table, whilst mine is lying neglected, somewhere in the bed, barely registering life on something pathetic like 9%. I have not updated my software in months, because that IOS shit only wants to update in the middle of the night. Right around the time my husband gets up for a pee and plugs himself back in.
So, today I am going to buy myself a charger. And a double adaptor. And an extra long extension cord. I am not mucking around here, because the future of my sanity, not to mention my marriage depends on it. Not being stupid, but a lot of the stuff that annoys us on a daily basis can get sorted.
Always losing your keys? Get one of those Tiles and the app that tell you where they are. Or just get a real-life bowl, put it on a table near the door, and put your keys in it. One family member of mine who shall not be named, (you know who you are Mum), quite often can’t find her bank card. Might have something to do with the fact she tosses said card, like confetti, into the gaping mouth of her handbag and just hopes for the best. I used to lose my bank card too – now I have one of those sticky wallet things on the back of my phone and have not lost it since (yes- I am aware if I lost my phone I would be doubly stuffed, but baby steps and all that.) If we all just spent an hour or two walking through our homes and taking stock of all the dumb stuff that annoys us, (the dodgy fridge seal, the dead plant by the back door, the remote control that still has batteries from 1995) and took a few days to fix/throw away or replace them, we might feel a whole lot better.
The micro-stress study put most of it down to us being being too busy, too disorganised, always rushing and good old general forgetfulness. So, what pisses you off on a daily basis? Is there something simple you can do that might bring your heart rate back down?
It might be committing to less (because saying ‘No’ can be glorious), slowing down (keys, glasses, bank card – check) or getting up 20 minutes earlier (because you snooze you lose baby!). ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’? Give me 24hrs and a charger to call my own and I will report back on perspiration levels 😉
This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone whose list is long, but whose resolve is strong.
Men, Words & the WAY that you Say It
The Tyranny of the Urgent
Self-Sabotage – Why we do it & How can we stop?
Know Thyself – 32 Questions That Might Change Your Life
This post couldn’t be more relatable to my life right now. Truly excellent, and I actually feel less pissed off, knowing that I’m not alone!
Thanks Alice – 🙂
Loved this! I’m 100% going to make a list over the next week and try to sort it!
P.S. Ikea do a great triple USB plug – which has been so handy and my local big ASDA sells great polaroid 2m lightening cables! Thank me later!
Thanks Rebecca – good luck with your list – mine is an ongoing work in progress 🙂
This article does resonate strongly. However, I feel that between micro stress and big stress, there is a middle level stress that fuels the micro stress. It emanates an anxiety that makes good organization difficult or small daily inconveniences hard to bear to the point that you are operating at peak anxiety and low efficiency.
In my opinion, by themselves, big stress and micro stress are actually relatively easy to deal with. Small things do not affect those who are not under other pressure, and big stress is not only rare but often pulls out a certain “all in” rush of courage that allows us to pass the finish line.
However, middle stress, unlike micro stress, is not readily under our control (i.e. not easily solvable at our own whim or discretion), and unlike big stress, is neither rare nor does it present an opportunity for a decisive breakthrough. It is more like stagnation and stalemate. Neither cold nor hot but always too humid. It eats away the mental reserves until even the small daily stresses (which have always existed like a baseline) become an unbearable swarm of flies. Moreover, it is often elusive since it presents itself as the new normal.
Examples of such stress would be moderate phobias or chronic health problems(i.e. sensitive digestive system, heart burn, allergies etc.) that are not severe enough to be a big deal, but are never truly healed no matter what you try and can only be controlled by onerous precautions. Thus, every meal becomes a gamble and you are not always ill, but not at ease either. Always fearing that the good will not last even until the next meal. Other examples would be being in a situation where one is subject to the expectations and arbitrary decision making of others. The fear of employers or those whose approval you need pulling rank on you without merit or good reason.
Thus, I believe it is the general weariness caused by middle stress that generates a need for the mental escapism that causes the disorganization that gives rise to micro stress.
Thanks for your considered comments – it is true – stress of ALL kinds – micro/middle and max affect us all. Here is to us trying to manage them all – one step at a time 🙂