How To Be Less Annoying.

There is no question that some people are more annoying than others.

Just for fun, and in case you have no idea how irritating that thing-you-always-do is, let’s look at what really gets up other people’s noses and (for the sake of mankind’s sanity), make a concerted effort not to do it.

• The Humble Brag: Nobody likes a show off, but more excruciating still, is the brag that hides behind a layer of false modesty. You know the type – the person who ‘can’t believe at 30 I still get asked for ID’ or who laughs about ‘what a total klutz I was walking up the red carpet,’ and ‘can’t for the life of me understand why I keep getting asked out on dates.’ We see you. We hear you. And we don’t believe you. Which is exactly, according to a study conducted by researchers at Harvard and the University of North Carolina, what the problem is. ‘You think, as the humblebragger, that it is the best of both worlds,’ explains study author, Ovul Sezer, ‘but what we show is that sincerity is actually the key ingredient.’ Even complainers were deemed more likeable than the humblebraggers in the group.

Instead? ‘If you want to announce something, go with the brag and at least own your self-promotion and reap the rewards of being sincere, rather than losing in all dimensions.’ Better still – get a good friend to brag on your behalf (and repay the favour in due course.)

• The One-Upper: Anything you can do, they can do better. ‘Three nights in Positano? How Lovely! We try and spend at least two weeks in the Amalfi coast every year. Isn’t it heaven’. Three measly nights – let me raise you a fortnight! ‘We had a great dinner at that new Gordon Ramsey restaurant last night’. ‘It’s great isn’t it! We have become pretty good friends with Gordon recently, he’s such a sweetheart.’ These sorts of people will also laughingly point out your mistakes in company and joyously correct your grammar at any given opportunity.

Instead? Bite your tongue. Yes, you may have been to Mykonos nine times. Both your sons might have got in to law school and you might have, whoever they are excited about meeting, on speed dial, but now is not the time. Let them be excited, happy and proud without pissing all over it with your better-ness. And, even if it kills you, leave their mispronunciations alone.

• The Talk-for-the-Sake-of-it: Defs been guilty of this one. Most of us are just desperate to be heard (and ultimately understood), and as a result, we can often be too quick to jump in. To give advice, to finish their sentence, to say what we think, to agree or disagree. Desperately forming our reply, without truly listening to what is being said. And please don’t be that person who prolongs meetings by asking questions that are unnecessary or that you already know the answer to. Talking too much can truly do us a disservice, because if a noise is constant it gets tuned out eventually.

Instead? Take a moment. Is what you are about to say helpful? Useful? Kind? Witty? And for goodness sake – let them finish – because chances are they may just give you the answers you are looking for, without you even having to ask the question. (Serious work in progress for yours truly).

• The Noise Maker: Kindly restrain from your knuckle-cracking. Stop that constant sniffing. Put your hand over your mouth. Chew quietly. That’s all.

Honourable Mentions must also go to – The Patroniser (‘how’s that little business of yours going?), The Flaming Martyr (‘Oh, forget it – I’ll do it. Like everything else around here!’) and The Tight Arse (Gosh! How silly of me. I seem to have forgotten to bring my wallet. Again.’).

Is there anyone I am missing?

That said, it is a truth universally acknowledged that we can all be horribly annoying from time to time – so above all else show some compassion and maybe just leave this blog post lying around somewhere they might see it 😉

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who politely suggests you walk a little faster. And refrain from pressing ‘Reply All’. And stop ‘Checking in’ every time you go to the gym or if you are in the ‘Business Class Lounge’. Thank You.