Three Real Love (Island) Lessons

When it comes to the telly, there are two types of people.

Those of us that watched, enjoyed and literally obsessed over Love Island.

And the rest of you, who cleverly decided that you had more important ways to spend 58 (!) hours of your life (and quite frankly, after last week’s post I am ashamed of myself.) But, in my defence, I did have the flu and to be fair, between the ‘kicking off’, the ‘mugging off’ and the ‘cracking on’, there were a few real love lessons in there for the rest of us.

1. ‘I Am Happy. But Could I Be Happier?’ This fateful line was used by no less than three of the blokes on the show, (Wes, Josh & Jack). If there was ever a recipe for total unhappiness with a side of disappointment this would be IT.  Unfortunately, between Bumble and Tinder, and Hinge and Happn, online dating has given all of us a serious case of Choice Overload. This idea, that we really can have too much choice, was first raised in 1970 in Alvin Toffler’s book ‘Futureshock‘, where he explained that having no choice results in very low satisfaction. So far, so simple. He went on to explore how initially more choices lead to more satisfaction, but as the number of choices increase people tend to feel more pressure, confusion, and potentially dissatisfaction with their choice.  Relationship psychologist Dr Anjula Mutanda agrees,“When you live in a world where there’s so much choice and something has gone wrong in a relationship, there’s a compulsion to be better off in a different situation” she says. “Instead of working on what you have, you’re looking over your partner’s shoulder constantly.” A bit like Andy, my merry-go-round dating mate I discussed a few months ago.

The Bottom Line: I am not saying you should just settle for the first good thing that comes your way, but if it is 80% good, don’t throw it all away for the promise of that 20% more. No offence to Romance – but, love is hard. everyone’s annoying and most of the time the secret to being ‘happi-er’ is working on and appreciating what you already have.

2. Confidence is Hot. Insecurity is Not.  Alpha Male Adam showed us that if you truly like yourself enough, you can get away with almost anything. There is no denying it – confidence is sexy, and people are attracted to the warm glow that comes from people who are secure within themselves. Equally, insecurity and self-doubt can act like a neon warning – if people think they are a bit sh*t and have nothing to offer, who are we to argue? So, what’s the solution for the folk with a little less swagger? In the short term, it might be as simple as standing a little bit straighter. How we hold ourselves doesn’t only advertise to the world how we are feeling, it actually affects us internally. As Jordan B Peterson (my favourite brainy bloke), discusses in the very first chapter of his book, ‘If you slump around, with the same bearing that characterises a defeated lobster, people will assign you a lower status, and the old counter…sitting at the very base of your brain, will assign you a low dominance number. Then your brain will not produce as much serotonin. This will make you less happy, and more anxious and sad, and more likely to back down when you should stand up for yourself.’

The Bottom Line: Fake it till you make it my friend, stand up straight with your shoulders back and give love a chance to look you in the eye. Remember, no one can see the fear, doubt and insecurity INSIDE – they just see the front you present to the world. I am not saying we shouldn’t work on improving our insides, but sometimes the answer can lie from the outside in.

3. We Can’t All Be A Megan. Megan was the girl on the show that all the boys fancied. Picture the love child of Jessica Rabbit and Margot Robbie and you will get an idea of what a Megan looks like. Basically – Blonde hair, big lips, big tits and not averse to ‘doing bits’. Quite a few of the girls on the island lamented the fact that they were ‘not a Megan’.  Good news is -if you have ever similarly lamented your lack of hotness, you will be pleased to hear that we can’t all be a Megan. Not even, well, Megan. As these before & after shots show, the reality star did have a little bit of a helping hand in the popularity stakes, via two breast ops, lip fillers, a nose job and a mouth full of veneers. Before you rush out to spend $25k to make yourself more Megan, it might be worth reminding you of the research that showed that physical attractiveness does not just come down (thankfully) to tits and arse. Back in 1997, Mehrabian and Blub set out to discover the relative importance of stable features (body type/height) vs more changeable features (grooming/clothing) in relation to physical attraction. They discovered that by far the most attractive features in the opposite sex fell under the category of ‘self care’. Good grooming, neat hair, nice clothes, good posture and a healthy weight were the clear winners – all stuff we actually have within our control. Further down the scale were three further feature clusters – ‘masculinity’, ‘femininity’ and ‘pleasantness’ – so if in addition to being well groomed, you chuck in the odd hair flick and a positive, friendly attitude you are well on your way my friend.

The Bottom Line: The Curse of Comparison will get you nowhere. So, stop worrying about what Megan has got, and if you do care about this shallow sh*t (let’s be honest, most of us do), then don’t feel guilty about treating yourself to a little self-care, but keep in mind that there are more important things to worry about in the world.

Seriously.

Like, when – for graft’s sake – does Love Island Season 5 come out?

This Get Happier post is brought to you by someone who knows deep down she is better than that.