The Problem With Pretty

I recently moved to Bondi and pretty is EVERYWHERE. I can barely leave the house without rubbing up against some buff, shirtless body, or being asked by a blonde goddess if I want almond milk with that. The beach itself is a joke – a half-naked buffet of tattooed beefcake and small bikini bottoms, slowly disappearing up pert crevices.

Having spent the past few weeks silently observing (which to be clear – is quite different to perving), I have noticed that decorative though it may be, pretty does not come entirely problem-free. The School of Life * wrote an excellent article on these perils of being ‘too pretty’ and the very real dilemmas these poor creatures face. So, in a bid to comfort them and to simply make the rest of us feel better, let’s examine these hardships one by one:

‘The Temptation to be Boring is Great’. Everything comes easily to people who are pretty, so there has never been any great need to do much more than stand there and look good. ‘There has always been a party people were begging you to go to’ and you have probably ‘never known the fruitful ravages of self-hatred.’ Having had little need to over-compensate with cleverness and good humour, there is a strong chance you may end up with neither.

‘You Intimidate the Ugly’. People might be a little scared of you or jealous, or maybe a combination of the two. Whatever the reason, you are often resigned to only ‘pairing up with other beautiful types’, so you can – presumably – both be boring together.

‘You miss out on some usefully difficult experiences’. If you have never ‘faced rejection in any serious way’ you can actually miss out on the stuff that is ‘painful, but necessary.’ It is from the crap and hardship that gets flung in our face that we grow stronger and more resilient. ‘It’s not your fault, but you’ve been a little spoilt.’

‘Relationships are more Difficult’.‘The problem is ‘your exterior is so fantastic, it overshadows everything else.’ You may have opinions and thoughts on all manner of things, but for the most part people never look past your firm chest or the delicate curve of your arse. Meeting someone who is mentally kindred becomes almost impossible.

‘People assume you are stupid’. This seems a little harsh, but sadly ‘There seems to be a prejudice against combining outstanding qualities: you can’t be that beautiful and understand nuclear physics.’ Because you are already one thing, it is unlikely, and would be frankly unfair, for you to be the other in addition.

‘No one imagines you have any problems’.‘Fortune – people feel – has smiled on you already. You can’t need anything.’ You can’t have a problem finding a man, a job or a place in the world. Nobody would cheat on you, or break up with you. You can never get hurt. Pretty and hardship – never the twain shall meet.

‘Ageing is worse’.The better you look the harder it will be. Every new line, blemish and wrinkle serves as a reminder ‘you have so much to lose.’

Back in Bondi, up close and personal with pretty, it does (actually) seem a little serious and time-consuming to be that beautiful. One gorgeous girl spent (no joke) 17 minutes face-tuning her photo before deeming it worthy to post. Another spent a good quarter of an hour artfully arranging herself on her towel because (god-forbid) her angles be off. This morning in my gym class the prettiest girl there didn’t join in the freestyle salsa bit – probably for fear of looking silly.

Between the thigh sculpting and the lash lifting, the filler plumping and the brow smoothing, staying pretty looks like hard work. Sure, few of us are immune to the lure of looking good – even me – see ‘Good Grooming and the Real Cost of Not Scaring People’.  That said, a statistic I read recently had me seriously concerned that our values are totally out of whack. It was from a book written by Lisa Bloom, with the well-meaning but rather overblown title, ‘Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World’. According to a study quoted in this book ‘23% of women would rather lose their ability to read than their figures.’

Sh*t.

This week I URGE you – every pretty, average and downright hideous one of you to please remember this. Physical beauty is not a skill. It is not an accomplishment. It doesn’t mean you are a better person. Or that you are any more likely to find love or happiness or a treasure chest at the end of the rainbow.

It’s simply a nice-to-have. 

And more people in Bondi have it. Fact.

This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone whose arse only swallows up her swimsuit accidentally, not by design.

*The bits in ‘quote marks’ are from the School of Life article. The rest is me.